Crying while Writing ..

  The first time ever ..

I sinned sinfully again .. 

  

The first time ever .. 

I cried while writing my blog ..

  The first time ever .. 

I HATE a person after I became a holy Christian ..

  

  I'm so hurt right now ..

While I'm writing this ..

" What if You're blessings come through rain drops?

What if You're healings come through tears?  "

Just finished talking with Oscar on phone ..

I sinned ..

I scold a fault words ..

Just then I cried ..

If I'm angry,

Satan is happy ..

I can't let him happy that easily ..

But I just can't stand it !!

I'M REALLY VERY ANGRY !!!

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I hate myself ..

Who says my life is wonderful ?

Who says my life is awesome ?

NO NO NO !!

You are W-R-O-N-G !! 

Sometimes I asked God .. "Why do You brought me into this SAD WORLD? " Why does He want me to be here ?? I doubt His plans for me .. Whenever I have problems, I really really REALLY hate to face it .. But I'll still face it .. I always told myself, NEVER TURNING BACK, I'M DARE TO FACE EVERYTHING MYSELF and I CAN DO IT MYSELF ! All this MYSELF MYSELF is so selfish .. Where's God ?? Where's your Saviour ?? I'm to overestimated myself .. I though I can do all things myself .. I though I can face everything myself .. I though I though I I I !! All this I is so selfish .. Where's the Lord ?? Where's your Healer ?? All these years, I've been living in a selfish world .. That's why I asked God why did He brought me into this SAD world .. Then I know .. It's not He's fault at all .. It's my fault .. God You've brighten my life, You've heal my brokenness .. How wonderful You're Lord !! Sorry God for all 15 years I've been hurting You, doubting You and rejected You .. Thanks God for bringing many wonderful youth people to make me know what's the reason that I've been brought to this world .. To save and to help .. I'm here to help the ones who need help .. That's why God had sent me here :')